Singles

Don’t Resolve to Be a Jerk

I recently received a very angry e-mail from a reader who felt his life was going nowhere and relationships with the opposite sex were futile. His letter was full of bitterness and hostility. There was nothing positive or hopeful about his correspondence. Jack wrote…

‘Coach, this is a frustrated, disheartened, disappointed, bitter, angry, lost and very, very tired man. You are a woman, how can you possibly understand? I am dying of loneliness. In the last seven years, I have done the things you have suggested. I have read books, joined clubs, done volunteer work, joined dating services, answered personal ads, went back to college, attended singles groups, went to church. I have been down every alley in the maze.

I know a woman won’t be the cure for my loneliness, but she sure could help. You see, every day I see attractive full-figured women with jerks. Men that are untruthful, uncaring and unfaithful. So that is what I must become—a jerk—to obtain a woman. How will I be able to conceal the bitterness that has grown toward women in the past seven years of experiences? Women don’t want a bitter jerk; they want a fun jerk. Recently, I haven’t been going out much anymore and I have stopped all those things I was doing. It hurts too much to see a couple holding hands and wishing it was me. This is not fair, and life stinks. Jack’

‘Jack, Life isn’t fair and I don’t know why it has taken so long for you to find a partner. There is one thing you can change, and that is your pessimistic attitude. My fear for you is that your bitterness will keep you stuck because you won’t be able to see the good things going on in your life. Even if you can’t find a life partner, your attitude is no longer open to the possibility of one.

I would recommend several things to you in the hope that you can get closer to your goal.
• Write all of your negative beliefs on paper. If you want love, you’re going to need to get rid of the negativity. I believe that you must let go of something to make room for an opportunity. In your case, you need to get your anger out, externalize it and then create a ritual for letting it go. Write a book if you have to, just make sure to get all your feelings written down, and out.
• Next, create a ritual where you kill them, bury them, burn them (not the people Jack, the written thoughts).
• Is the resistance a positive in your life? If that doesn’t work, ask yourself how might these feelings and thoughts be helping you. I have a hunch that these negative thoughts are keeping you from getting hurt. If this is true then you don’t take the risks and you don’t feel the pain or get hurt. You must take off the negativity armor so you can let someone get close.

Many people have felt exactly like you, but they haven’t let the negativity take over their lives. You have to replenish your “hope factor” before you can really be ready for love. So, Jack, is this negative energy working for you or against you? Once you figure that out you may find some clarity that will move you closer to getting what you want. It is your responsibility to find happiness in your life with or without a partner. Don’t resolve to be a jerk.’

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