Singles

The Life Skills of Dating

Why is it that some of the toughest areas in life are experienced in the form of trial-and-error? Dating is one of those areas in which there is little formal training. When I work with singles that are going through the process of dating, I believe that reading books, going to workshops and classes, and talking to others are ways to obtain dating life skills.

Most people come in with a fear of dating. They make comments like, “I don’t even want to think about dating” or “I hate dating” or “The thought of dating is so scary”. Many times they are afraid that they won’t be good enough or they fear rejection. If you have good self-esteem and don’t fall into this category, the opposite might be true. This would be, “I don’t want to go through the process of meeting men or women who aren’t like me or aren’t who they claim to be”. If you see yourself in either of these scenarios, look at dating as an opportunity to gain more life experience. Stay positive in order to get the most out of it.

GO SLOW. The most important skill to remember is to go slow. Dating requires getting to know each other, and the slower you go, the more successful you will be. If you have great chemistry, you might be tempted to see each other too much, talk to each other daily, or share activities that are too personal too soon (e.g. having sex). If you take your time you will make less mistakes. Just remember, a new date is not necessarily your best friend. Don’t get too emotionally intimate. It’s important to pace yourself!

STAY IN THE PRESENT. Although dating is a mechanism for finding a life partner, you will have more success if you focus on staying in the present. Your mission should be to have fun, not to find a life partner. If and when the relationship moves into exclusivity, you will have a good foundation for that relationship.

TEACH YOUR DATE HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. Know your boundaries. How much do you want to contribute to the relationship? I know women who say they want to be pampered, and then by the second date they are cooking dinner and doing lots of maternal tasks. Stop that! If you do that in the beginning of the relationship, you are bound to that lifestyle forever.

I guarantee if you follow these three steps:
•Go slow.
•Stay in the present.
•Teach your date how to treat you.

You will have healthier relationships and more enjoyable dates!

If you are interested in more dating skills, I recommend Amy Owens’ “Single Seminars”. You can reach her at 805-4950.

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