Sexuality
Sensuality
Your sexual being is an important part of who you are. It's imperative to embrace the sexual and sensual aspect of your being. I see a large number of females who describe having strong inhibitions about their sexuality. There are all sorts of reasons and causes for sexual inhibition. Here are 5 types of situations that contribute towards sexual inhibition.
• Shyness. Shyness is a feeling that can affect
sexuality. Many people who are shy have difficulty being exposed emotionally,
let alone sexually. If your shyness leaves you feeling inhibited you will
need to reprogram your behaviors. You may need to close your eyes and
visualize yourself taking control sexually. Possibly, you might want to
imagine making the first move, stealing the first kiss, or whispering
your intentions into the ear of your partner. Practice being assertive
sexually, even if it is not comfortable for you. It will move you beyond
your shyness.
• Poor body image. This also takes reprogramming and reframing your
image of yourself. You will need to focus on your positives. Men are not
nearly as judgmental as women are of themselves. If you tend to be overweight,
reframe it and start telling yourself that you are a curvaceous, big and
beautiful woman. Don't sell yourself short because you are not perfect.
Marilyn Monroe was a sex symbol at a size 16. Imagine using positive self-talk
and believing you are sensual despite your imperfections. Know that you
are ok exactly as you are!
• A dominating parent. Dominating parents make it
tough to trust yourself. You will fear that surrendering to your sexuality
might equate to feeling a loss of control. Trust is essential in a healthy
sexual relationship. If your past prevents you from letting go sexually
you will likely feel sexually inhibited and not able to give of yourself.
You may need to ask your partner to be especially kind and gentle during
lovemaking. You will need lots of choices as to decrease any chance of
feeling pressured.
• Sexual abuse. You need to have emotional intimacy before you develop
sexual intimacy. Sexual abuse survivors are candidates for Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder and often their inhibitions are safeguards to keep them
from participating fully in a sexual relationship. If you have a history
of sexual abuse, get to know your potential partner in all other areas
of your life, making sure that he is safe and can be trusted. You may
need to set up an appointment with a counselor who has expertise with
sexual abuse. Self-help books like The Courage to Heal by Laura Davis
and Ellen Bass are excellent resources in working through your fear of
your own sexuality.
• Moral conflict. If you are inhibited because you are morally questioning
whether you should be sexual, I would advise you to talk to people that
you could trust. You will need to continue to self-educate so you can
meet your needs sexually. It is important to know your body, to achieve
orgasms, and feel comfortable with your body, whether you decide to share
it with others or not. If this goes against your religious beliefs, then
you will need to make some decisions about what convictions are important
to you.
Losing your inhibition requires working on yourself, stretching
out of your comfort zone, and having a partner who is willing to work
with you. The good news is that as women get older they report less inhibition.
You were born to enjoy your sexuality; not to passively accept your inhibitions!
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