Sexuality

Low Sexual Desire:
Situational, Medical or Emotional?

This is a two-part series on low sexual desire. Today we’ll look at the physical and environmental or life style factors that frequently result in low sexual desire. Next week we’ll be identifying possible emotional reasons as contributing factors to lack of sexual drive.

We are a society that is inundated with sexuality. The truth of the matter is although sex is an important component in a healthy relationship, it frequently gets “put on the back burner” when couples get busy or times get stressful. As a result one partner (or sometimes both) can lose interest in sex. The couple ends up in my office when the stress becomes so great that they no longer feel close to each other.

Today’s column is for readers who lack a healthy desire to have sex with their partner. You know who you are. You frequently avoid going to bed together. You don’t talk about your lack of desire. You are tired all the time and you schedule yourself so tightly that you’re exhausted and have no energy for closeness. You typically deal with an extremely stressful day by micro-managing the kids or spending more time at the office.

If this column speaks to you, I’m going to ask you to get real honest and take a hard look at you, your life style and your relationship. Do you want to make things different in your life? If you do, you will have to make changes in your environment and life style.

Before I assume that lack of desire is emotionally or situationally induced, I always rule out the physical reasons first. It’s important to get a good history to assess what a client’s sexuality was like in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. I look for changes in life style and stress. I check on medical conditions like diabetes, which can interfere with a normal sex drive. I typically ask doctors to do lab tests to assess hormonal levels. I get information on medications and mental health.

Did you know that depression can cause a lack of desire and oftentimes antidepressants interfere with libido and orgasm? Ascertaining medical and mental conditions first is so important.

Low sexual desire can often times be a result of a chaotic fast-paced life. Human beings naturally prioritize how they’re going to spend their time. Getting kids to practice or finishing a report for your boss often takes priority over sex. However, to increase your drive and rediscover your sexuality requires a balanced life style. It often times means you have to do less and replenish yourself and your relationship in different ways. If after reading this you felt like I described your situation, it’s imperative that you do the following to increase sexual desire.
• Decrease the amount of activities in your day.
• Get eight hours of sleep per night minimum. (If you’re falling asleep once your head hits the pillow you are sleep deprived).
• Find other activities to engage in with your partner so that you can bond on an emotional level.
• Take the sex out of your bedtime together and find alternatives to pleasing each other eg. back and foot massages.
• Send the kids to someone else’s house for the night.
• Look for ways to de-stress. Go for a walk at lunchtime.
• Learn to say no.

Sex is not the end all in a relationship but it certainly creates a closeness that is needed to sustain a healthy relationship. If you believe your life is fairly balanced and you’ve ruled out medical conditions, then next weeks’ column may help you to identify emotional issues that contribute to low sexual desire.

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