Senior Living

Sandwich Generation

As American’s live longer, the responsibility of care taking or managing your parent’s care will likely fall on the shoulders of you. More than 28% of American families are involved in elder care. You likely didn’t envision yourself as the primary caretaker for your parents. No one forewarned you that as you dreamed about starting your own family you might need to factor in managing a second family as well.

The new term for this dilemma is the “Sandwich Generation”. A traditional Sandwich is a person who is sandwiched between aging parents who need care or help and their own immediate children. If it hasn’t happened to you yet, take note because it will likely affect you in your future.

There are strategies to deal with the emotional ramifications of care taking two families. Whether you move your parents into your home, assisted living or a nursing home facility, it is imperative to help parents to remain as independent as possible. Keeping them safe is essential and maintaining their dignity in the process is crucial.

Be realistic. It is important to be realistic about the type of care you can give. Don’t try to be superhuman when it comes to caring for an elder. Use your coping skills to assist you in recognizing what you can and cannot change.

Know your boundaries and limitations. If your parent lives close to you, talk with others about what is a reasonable amount of time to spend with your parent. Adult children have spent countless hours feeling guilt because they did not believe they gave enough time to their nuclear family and/or to their own parent. It is quality not quantity that counts.

Ask for help. Keep the lines of communication open with friends and family. You don’t have to do it all! Ask love ones to assist you in the increasing responsibilities. If there is no one available, arrange to look into adult daycare, talk with geriatric care managers, or look into home healthcare and sitter services.

Learn how to say no. It is okay to set limits to reduce the amount of work that you do. Telling your family no can be a character builder. You weren’t put on this earth to be everything to everyone.

Accept your feelings. You may find that you are on an emotional roller coaster. One minute you may feel guilty because it feels like you are not doing enough, the next minute you may feel resentful and angry because it is robbing you of your own precious time with your family. Look for opportunities to find humor in this situation.

Don’t take their reactions personally. Understand that taking care of parent involves role reversal, which can be equally tough on you and your parent because it puts you in the role of decision making for them. This can feel unnatural as if it takes the control away from them. Know that in the natural process of aging, your parent’s disposition, personality and mood may change dramatically.

Balance. Take time out for you. You can’t give if you don’t find ways to replenish. This is imperative to your own mental health.

Seek professional help. If the mental stress becomes too strong, talk to a professional to release the feeling.

Be patient with your parent and yourself. Like all types of parenting, it is all trial and error
You are allowed to make mistakes!

If you follow these strategies you will better able to cope with this demanding life circumstance. Being part of the Sandwich Generation means taking good care of you!