Self Esteem

Self-Acceptance Needed For Change

This column is geared for people who strive toward self-improvement. Self-improvement doesn’t just happen, it requires a plan of action for success. Yet, with my clients, we work toward teaching them how to accept themselves exactly as they are before they develop that customized formula for change.

The secret of truly attaining success is staying positive about where you are, no matter what stage you are in with your goal development. This can be incredibly tricky, because most people who want to change hate or despise their current situation. They are disgusted with themselves. They frequently are negative about their dilemma, or they blame others for their demise.

Therefore, it’s important to encourage them to develop a keener sense of self-acceptance. Once they have done this, they can move closer to meeting their goals. You see, it’s imperative for them to accept and appreciate their current state before they can truly develop a plan to change. This is an incredibly difficult concept for clients to grasp, because we live in a “quick-fix society”. We want change now (actually, we wanted it yesterday).

If I work with a client who wants to make more money, we spend time talking about how their current income has positively served them in their life. If I meet with a couple who wants to improve their relationship, I won’t proceed until they can convince me that there are several things they appreciate about each other in their present state. If I see a client who wants to lose weight, I ask them to list the things they currently like about their bodies, and their weight. When I work with a single person who wants to find a mate, I ask them to discuss the many advantages there are to being a single person.

What I know from my work with people is that it is imperative in the development of a new mindset for them to be positive about how their current issue has served them. All too often, the client’s desire for a “quick fix” sabotages the progress that they can make in their goal development. In other words, if a client is to be successful, they must not loathe their body, their partner, their income, or their single status. Maintaining a positive attitude is not only a prerequisite for change, but it is necessary to keep them going when they run into “dry spells” or hit plateaus.

What would you like to change in your life? Most likely, you have a list of things that could use some self-improvement. Spend about ten minutes writing them down. It’s easy to maintain them in your head, but if you really want to change, you need to write them down. If you aren’t willing to write it down, you are telling me you don’t possess the fortitude and determination to make it happen today…

Apply what you have learned in today’s column by writing down what you have enjoyed or appreciated about your current dilemma. If you are having difficulty, ask yourself what has this experience taught me and how has it served me?

I realize that this assignment is difficult, because it doesn’t look like you’re changing anything. Yet, what I am really asking you to do is change your attitude, which is the first step in attaining success. Give it a shot. Put it down as Part I in the formula for a change. It should make you feel better about yourself, and will get you closer to the person you really want to be.

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