Self Esteem

Finding Your Personal Power

Many of my clients come into the office without a sense of their personal power. At least half of them come in with horrendous stories of childhood trauma or abandonment. Often, they have experienced the darkest of times, including drug addictions, infidelity, death or abuse. I am amazed at their survivor skills and how they take their own strengths for granted. They seem to measure their worth on an external basis instead of searching within and knowing what power lies inside of them.

Do you know what your personal power is? Your power is based on your thinking. Do you feel powerful? Do you recognize your needs and actively work on attending to them? Do you believe you can get your needs met? Are you positive? Do you believe you can overcome any situation?

Do you like who you are? Even though you have things you would like to change, are you content with who you are? Liking who you are requires that you like yourself unconditionally. This can be difficult, because most people compare themselves to some unrealistic standard, typically portrayed by the media. You don’t have a good body unless you are a size two. You aren’t a good lover or companion unless you are sexually adventurous. You aren’t successful unless you run your own company. “Doing your best” allows you to accept yourself and your accomplishments exactly as they are so that you are satisfied with your actions. This concept allows you to work on yourself; however, you are not yearning to be someone different. “Doing your best” is a great guideline to follow. How many times did you hear your parents tell you, “It doesn’t matter what grade you get as long as you do your best”. Somewhere in your upbringing you developed the notion that others would like you better if you searched for perfection instead of “doing your best”. Give yourself permission to do the best you can regardless of the outcome. If you learn to be satisfied with “doing your best” you will have tapped into your personal power.

Do you love yourself? You won’t have the personal power to find true happiness if you don’t have self-love. Self-love is at the core of loving others. Finding your personal power means finding reasons to love yourself. Take a few moments to answer this question ten times. What I love most about myself is _________.

When I surveyed my friends and clients they came up with the following:

What I love most about myself is…
• I am dependable.
• I am a good person.
• I give support to my friends.
• I seek the best in others.
• I count my blessings.
• I forgive myself.
• I don’t beat myself up.
• I seek out strengths in others.

People who love themselves put their goals into action. They make things happen because they have a sense of their personal power. They allow their personal power to move them into action.
So remember:
• Work on “doing your best”; no more, no less.
• Accept yourself exactly as you are, even as you continue to work on yourself.
• Recognize that your personal power comes from your attitude about who you are.

Now, get started on your self-love statements. I have given you quite an assignment for this week. I will be excited to see how tapping into your personal power changes your life in 2002.

For more information on “doing your best”, read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.