Self Esteem

Knowing Who You Are

One of the biggest challenges for a Life Coach is to help people discover their true passion in life. When people learn to acknowledge their worth, they will move closer to their true gifts that will bring them happiness. This is very often a two-part process. This week, I would like for you to get clearer about who you are as a person. One of the ways to do this is to get to know your character strengths.

What are character strengths?

Character strengths are personality traits that make you a person of worth. We all have them, but often times we take them for granted. They are not talents or achievements; they describe your personality. Most people don’t think much about their character strengths because they were never formally taught to recognize and appreciate them.

As children, most of us were able to read the cues from parents and teachers if we were good at something. A talent would be like playing a sport, acting in a play, or singing in a choir. These are often times encouraged by others. Unfortunately, my clients report that they didn’t get reinforced for non-accomplishments like sensitivity or sense of humor or gentleness. Think back. Do you remember a time when an adult you admired recognized and commented on your character; for instance, your honesty, loyalty, generosity, or compassion?

Take out a pad of paper and write down fifty character strengths. That’s right. I would like for you to identify fifty qualities that you like about yourself. Most people feel if they make this list or tell a coach what they like about themselves they will be perceived as arrogant or overly confident, when in reality, knowing your values as a person increases your self-confidence and helps you to attain your goals. I have not yet met a client who became arrogant as a result. As you write your list, think about qualities in yourself that you admire. Most clients have difficulty coming up with ten strengths, let alone fifty. So, don’t get discouraged if this takes you some time. After you have exhausted the list, think about positive words that describe your mother or father. Think about adjectives that describe your siblings and your best friend. At this point, hopefully you will have attained fifty, but if not, I ask that you at least come up with thirty-five, and then you can ask three other people for five words a piece. It is amazing to get their feedback about how they see you. You see, knowing your strengths is the foundation for finding more meaning in your life.

Frequently, as one does this exercise, the negative qualities will either creep in or try to take over. For instance, I am a very generous person, but I also have a selfish side. As you write down the word “generous,” it may trigger memories of times when you were selfish. Disregard that critical voice and stay firm that there is a very generous side to you, and add it to your list.

The second part of your homework is reminding yourself that you have these qualities on a daily basis. Dr. Phil McGraw, in Life Strategies, calls it “naming it before you claim it.” There are two ways to do this. The first is to practice reminding yourself daily of at least three character strengths that you possess. This process is called “feeding your soul.” You feed your bodies on a daily basis, but when do you feed your self-esteem? Feeding your self-esteem is imperative to building that foundation. Secondly, you need to find at least two supportive people in your life who remind you of your strengths. People are not self-sufficient. They need others to survive; that also means emotionally. In your journal, write down the names of two people who are encouragers in your life. If you don’t have two, you will need to spend some time developing that network. I am the person I am today because I know my strengths and I have an incredible network of friends and family who support me. Let those people know how important they are to you, and that you, and that you appreciate their encouragement. You see, you have to let others know what you need on a regular basis (but, that is a topic for a future article).

So, now you have your assignment. Find a quiet spot and spend this week thinking about your fifty strengths. Now, you are on your way to creating that foundation for self-improvement, and you are on your way to working towards finding more passion and meaning in your life.