Holidays

Mother’s Day

As we celebrate mothers, I would like for you to think about what gifts she gave you. What type of relationship you have with her has contributed to the person you are today?

Sometimes, we emulate our mothers and want to be just like them. Other times, we assess our mothers and decide we will be just the opposite. Either way, we transform ourselves based on what we viewed as a child. Typically the mother-child relationship is clearly the most dominant, and the most important.

By virtue of the “closeness factor”, this relationship can lend itself to inherent conflicts, because there is a human need inside of all of us to please our mothers and it is their need to form us to the best of their abilities.

My mother was abandoned by her mother at age eight. She had no female to role model. I suspect that she did the best she could to get through the day. When I grew up I watched a woman who didn’t know how to cook or clean. She was completely dependent on my father (luckily, he was an incredibly warm and caring man). She did not work outside of the home, nor did she drive. Her own childhood had quite an influence on her as an adult, and on me growing up. As a result of her mother’s abandonment, I learned to be strong and independent. I spent much of my time developing my own identity because of her lack of independence.

My mother didn’t know how to nurture, although she did the best she could. It’s no accident that I have picked a profession where I get to guide, direct, and most of all, nurture.

I loved my mother dearly, yet I developed into a woman who is very different from her. There are several characteristics that she handed down to me that I absolutely adore. She loved to sing, as do I. She was assertive and spoke her mind. Need I say that I have followed diligently in her footsteps? She was extremely social, loving to spend time with her neighborhood friends. I also cherish my friendships and spend great amounts of time cultivating them.

In what ways are you like your mother? What ways do you unconsciously or consciously differ from her? What gifts did she directly pass down to you? Is she aware of the similarities you share with her? Are there choices you have made to be extremely different from her? Don’t forget, this is a gift she has also given to you!

It is very healthy to have women in your life that love and nurture you. Often times, we pick women who give us things our own mothers could not give. I have a theory that most of our mothers were so overly concerned and protective of us that at times their love appeared overbearing, suffocating, or critical. As a result, it might have felt like they nagged you, yet they wanted the best for their children.

Many mothers appear overbearing or domineering out of love. It is normal to have some tension with your mother. How would your life be different if every time you felt conflict with your mother you could neutralize it by saying, “My mother interacts this way out of love.” More than likely, it would ease the tension and reduce the conflict.

Today is your day to celebrate your mother—with all of her imperfections. Think about how she shaped and molded you into the strong person you are.

Happy Mother’s Day!